ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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