I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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