One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
