i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
