Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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