it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
