I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize