pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
