I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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