nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
