He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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