Cold hands, warm shart.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just google imaged poop.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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