how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
