Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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