once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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