we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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