First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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