I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
