do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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