So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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