I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
