so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
