I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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