...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
