what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
