I accidentally burped into my bong.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
