I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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