I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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