Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
