I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
