I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
