How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
