I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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