I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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