I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
