I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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