Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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