Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
