Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
