Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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