she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
