I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
