Just fell off a train. Bad.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
