Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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