The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
