Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
