haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
