I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
