Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
