Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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