Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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