im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
