Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
