What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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