so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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